April

April has come. Spring is here. You left in November, a dark cold angry month. Now that spring is here I can decorate our house and sell it soon. Then I will buy my own home and you will not have a key and I will be safe. The anger I feel for you is still there but it has settled down to a low boiling smolder. The embers glow but the flames no longer burn bright. Will I ever be free of the poison that you visited upon me with such disdain? A weekend away without you gave me a glimpse of what my life could have been like all these years if I had left you sooner. It was calm, peaceful, happy and companionable. I was not afraid, I was not worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. I did not have to make sure you had a satisfactory time. I did not have to convince myself that I really wanted to do whatever it was you most wanted to do or endure the consequences of your frustration. I never, ever understood how anyone could care so much about so many things that they all warrented screaming and shouting and shoving.

It really was all about control